Ok,day 3 having looked into transferring jobs in korea it seems really complex.basically im stuck.I thought Ulsan would be bigger but it's really quite small.i should have gone to Seoul.
I went out last night with two Irish girls who live down the road.they were great and for that short time I felt normal.
I am going for a drink tonight with my next door neighbour who's British,Monday I'm going to look round the city with a girl I met from Manchester.So I'm meeting people that's good.
I still have feelings of what the fuck have I done? I'm basically doing 10 hour days with a 20 min break,this is not what I agreed to,but as the other foreigner teacher pointed out,the contract is ambiguous and can be bent changed to what they want,contracts don't mean much in Korea.
I have skipped stage 1 - romantic view of Korea,as I have been here before I'm straight into stage 2- depression,anxiety,confusion,lack of confidence it's horrible.one day at a time.im doing this so I can train for a career I want must keep that in mind.everything passes I worked out I just need to do 4 or 5 months and ill have tuition fees then I can go home.
in the mean time I'm trying my best to learn and grow from this.
Saturday 29 September 2012
Friday 28 September 2012
First night in Korea
Leaving was emotional. Still horrible thinking i wont see my family friends for a year.i wont think about it,its not constructive.
I'm in bed in my new flat in Ulsan which is actually quite big.once I've got it sorted ill take pics or make a video on my iPhone.
Feel like a Barclay card add,I'm too tired to write anything properly.
Travel from Hobbit ville ( mum and dad live literally in the middle of nowhere) 2 hours
Manchester to Dubai -8 hours
wait in Dubai 3 hours- thankfully I met this British guy in a Que. we ended up chatting totally killed the 3 hours.
think we both needed to talk having had 8 hours of science.I do not cope well with not having the opportunity to talk he was the same way haha..must be a English thing.
His name is Matt,plays piano,is a music teacher,lived in london ,graduated from Leeds college of music ( one of the best music schools in the country) so we had lots to chat about.interesting guy.
We swapped details so ill drop a friendly email when I get the net.
Could end up being a friend Some of my best friends I've met in similar situations.
Lina being one of them,we met when she came to view a room in a house I was renting.the and lord was a cock,basically my credit card was nicked maxed out while I was on holiday,he moved this dodgy guy in,this dude broke into my room n stole my credit card...anyway I took Lina into my room told her not to move in under any circumstances.
she saw my shoe collection we bonded lol.
Back to Matt,He's in Singapore teaching music,plans on going to the states or Australia next year.travel buddy ? Maybe you never know.
Dubai to Seoul 8 hours. So very tired.this weird middle eastern guy kept staring at me.I started to wonder if by some weird fluke he'd seen me on a calendar or something.highly unlikely he was prob your bog standard creep.
first day tomorrow,I'm being picked up taken to the school.
I don't know if I'm teaching.I asked the agency,they were un sure.Im glad ive done this before I'd be fretting if not.
The apartment is furnished, so I've put the tv on for some noise so I don't feel so alone.theres a few channels with English shows,I think for the engineers,army,teachers that are here.
I did purchase a subscription to British and few American channels online such as Adult Swim.no adds,fast streaming - jobs a good un.wont be able to make use of it till I get my Internet sorted.
It's sad,I need my fix of BBC documentaries,channel 4 comedy and of course the best cartoons..I can't be the only person who watches the human planet,or walking with dinosaurs followed by metalopcypse or American dad ? Lol
Sleep for me now.
I'm in bed in my new flat in Ulsan which is actually quite big.once I've got it sorted ill take pics or make a video on my iPhone.
Feel like a Barclay card add,I'm too tired to write anything properly.
Travel from Hobbit ville ( mum and dad live literally in the middle of nowhere) 2 hours
Manchester to Dubai -8 hours
wait in Dubai 3 hours- thankfully I met this British guy in a Que. we ended up chatting totally killed the 3 hours.
think we both needed to talk having had 8 hours of science.I do not cope well with not having the opportunity to talk he was the same way haha..must be a English thing.
His name is Matt,plays piano,is a music teacher,lived in london ,graduated from Leeds college of music ( one of the best music schools in the country) so we had lots to chat about.interesting guy.
We swapped details so ill drop a friendly email when I get the net.
Could end up being a friend Some of my best friends I've met in similar situations.
Lina being one of them,we met when she came to view a room in a house I was renting.the and lord was a cock,basically my credit card was nicked maxed out while I was on holiday,he moved this dodgy guy in,this dude broke into my room n stole my credit card...anyway I took Lina into my room told her not to move in under any circumstances.
she saw my shoe collection we bonded lol.
Back to Matt,He's in Singapore teaching music,plans on going to the states or Australia next year.travel buddy ? Maybe you never know.
Dubai to Seoul 8 hours. So very tired.this weird middle eastern guy kept staring at me.I started to wonder if by some weird fluke he'd seen me on a calendar or something.highly unlikely he was prob your bog standard creep.
first day tomorrow,I'm being picked up taken to the school.
I don't know if I'm teaching.I asked the agency,they were un sure.Im glad ive done this before I'd be fretting if not.
The apartment is furnished, so I've put the tv on for some noise so I don't feel so alone.theres a few channels with English shows,I think for the engineers,army,teachers that are here.
I did purchase a subscription to British and few American channels online such as Adult Swim.no adds,fast streaming - jobs a good un.wont be able to make use of it till I get my Internet sorted.
It's sad,I need my fix of BBC documentaries,channel 4 comedy and of course the best cartoons..I can't be the only person who watches the human planet,or walking with dinosaurs followed by metalopcypse or American dad ? Lol
Sleep for me now.
First day
As I expected it was crazy,i enjoyed teaching,but I am worried
I woke up this morning and saw the true state of my apartment. The girl must have been a smoker.
The contract said 2pm - 8pm with a hour break
Actual hours are 2pm- 10pm with 20 min break, 10 mins between lessons which is spent doing a lesson check.
I was told I could choose my holiday time,I can't and I only have 6 days holiday a year!! The rest is taken up wit h Korean holidays of with there are 10 per year.that makes up my total of 16 days a year as stated in my contract.3 I have to take in winter and 3 in summer.
There is no Internet in my apartment,the director said the owner lives on the fourth floor would sort it.i went to the fourth floor,no one was there.i don't know what to do,as before Internet was provided.ill email Sally the recruiter ,try the guy on the fourth floor.he might be in this time.
The other forgiven teacher is leaving after 3 months.I asked why she just said she didn't like it.a new teacher is coming here in 2 weeks.a British guy I hope he's decent.
I asked the director why I'm working till 10,she told me those were the hours and I should be flexible.
I complained to the recruitment agent sally about the apartment.she told me they were cleaning the one across the hall I would move in a week.I don't believe her,I asked why wasn't this done prior to my arrival,she said they didn't know the state of my apartment till a few hours before I came.I get the feeling I won't be moving.
They gave me info that they would be taking 300,000 won £180 for 3 months out of my contract and I would get it back in 6 months! Why? they didn't give me a answer,they just said I would get it back with interest.I then had to teach couldn't take the matter up any further.
If this is the way they treat people I don't know how the girl pervious to me stayed two years,which is the main reason I took the job,I felt after our long conversation it would be a reputable place to work,why would someone stay 2 years if it wasn't?
Today I'm going to have my health check,hopefully open up a bank account and email a different recruiter to see if I can find another job,ill also post on some message boards as back ups.i really do want to give this job my all but all this screams terrible place to work.
two hours extra really I'm not happy about that plus everything else :s
Ill also try a foreigner bar.then it's 4 days off as its their holiday,ill go to Seoul I think to see a Korean friend I met before and a friend of Chris from home who has just moved there.
I'm hoping this is all something I can sort out with my employer.
I woke up this morning and saw the true state of my apartment. The girl must have been a smoker.
The contract said 2pm - 8pm with a hour break
Actual hours are 2pm- 10pm with 20 min break, 10 mins between lessons which is spent doing a lesson check.
I was told I could choose my holiday time,I can't and I only have 6 days holiday a year!! The rest is taken up wit h Korean holidays of with there are 10 per year.that makes up my total of 16 days a year as stated in my contract.3 I have to take in winter and 3 in summer.
There is no Internet in my apartment,the director said the owner lives on the fourth floor would sort it.i went to the fourth floor,no one was there.i don't know what to do,as before Internet was provided.ill email Sally the recruiter ,try the guy on the fourth floor.he might be in this time.
The other forgiven teacher is leaving after 3 months.I asked why she just said she didn't like it.a new teacher is coming here in 2 weeks.a British guy I hope he's decent.
I asked the director why I'm working till 10,she told me those were the hours and I should be flexible.
I complained to the recruitment agent sally about the apartment.she told me they were cleaning the one across the hall I would move in a week.I don't believe her,I asked why wasn't this done prior to my arrival,she said they didn't know the state of my apartment till a few hours before I came.I get the feeling I won't be moving.
They gave me info that they would be taking 300,000 won £180 for 3 months out of my contract and I would get it back in 6 months! Why? they didn't give me a answer,they just said I would get it back with interest.I then had to teach couldn't take the matter up any further.
If this is the way they treat people I don't know how the girl pervious to me stayed two years,which is the main reason I took the job,I felt after our long conversation it would be a reputable place to work,why would someone stay 2 years if it wasn't?
Today I'm going to have my health check,hopefully open up a bank account and email a different recruiter to see if I can find another job,ill also post on some message boards as back ups.i really do want to give this job my all but all this screams terrible place to work.
two hours extra really I'm not happy about that plus everything else :s
Ill also try a foreigner bar.then it's 4 days off as its their holiday,ill go to Seoul I think to see a Korean friend I met before and a friend of Chris from home who has just moved there.
I'm hoping this is all something I can sort out with my employer.
Sunday 23 September 2012
Kid Archetect
I'm sat in my room packing, I have the most tacky luggage, why do I own a luggage set that looks like it belongs to a stripper? I'm willing to sacrifice style for the ability to quickly locate my luggage. slightly embarrassing if it ever goes missing ' er...yeah its a medium size suitcase matching carry on in ...in erm zebra print lol
im taking a break from packing,waiting for my apple crumble to bake and listening to Kid Architect.
i hear some of my favorite bands yet they are still unique.their album really is a journey,produced perfectly, the guys voice fits the style it melds together
I found them through looking at a friends photo album on Facebook. I saw this guy who had in my mind a remarkable resemblance to Russell brand, how weird,without even thinking I clicked his profile,saw he was in a band with a cool name had a listen. instantly thought ill buy that.
I downloaded the album got talking to mike and Clint,totally awesome guys who of course have the best taste in music. If I ever do go to DC ill wanna see them play. that bar looks pretty cool too.
im taking a break from packing,waiting for my apple crumble to bake and listening to Kid Architect.
i hear some of my favorite bands yet they are still unique.their album really is a journey,produced perfectly, the guys voice fits the style it melds together
I found them through looking at a friends photo album on Facebook. I saw this guy who had in my mind a remarkable resemblance to Russell brand, how weird,without even thinking I clicked his profile,saw he was in a band with a cool name had a listen. instantly thought ill buy that.
I downloaded the album got talking to mike and Clint,totally awesome guys who of course have the best taste in music. If I ever do go to DC ill wanna see them play. that bar looks pretty cool too.
Saturday 22 September 2012
PMDD
It's 4am Had a dream about my ex and i can't sleep I have cramps and I feel deflated.
I haven't had a dream about graham in a year or something.it was recalling the last conversation we had when he said "do I really want to be with someone this moody before their period"
even though I'd never want him back In my dream this over whelming fear came over me that I might not be loved due to this condition I think basically due to his rejection.
I know that this insecurity is all part of the hormone change,but I hate it.It feels real at this moment in time.Im really fighting now to stop myself going down a spiral linking things together.
My ex matt when I'd feel over emotional would give me a hug,let me cry,tell me he loved me.it worked even though I knew due to his mild autism he didn't fully understand.
I suppose that's what I need now,unfortunately I'm single.
Another example of this over sensitivity its crying over TV shows. I'm odd that I don't cry at romantic comedies,but strange things set me off.
This time Dr Who pushed my buttons .I'll admit I would normally feel compassion for a character in a tv show,even if its a cartoon.Disney walle aww.the tears only come when I'm pmdd.
In this -dr who set in the future the world had burnt.
England had captured the last in the species of a alien creature that could travel through space.thus saving humanity by humans piggy backing on him.
Anyway,turns out that this alien had given itself freely.they weren't aware and had been torture it for hundreds of years in the believe that's what they needed to do to ensure it didn't eat them or whatever.
They stop with the torture,the alien stops screaming and they end up travelling faster.happy ending
It's totally retarded that this made me cry,it's a creature that doesn't even exist! :s
I'm working on the emotions that come with pmdd,hopefully ill look back at this and I will have improved.
I haven't had a dream about graham in a year or something.it was recalling the last conversation we had when he said "do I really want to be with someone this moody before their period"
even though I'd never want him back In my dream this over whelming fear came over me that I might not be loved due to this condition I think basically due to his rejection.
I know that this insecurity is all part of the hormone change,but I hate it.It feels real at this moment in time.Im really fighting now to stop myself going down a spiral linking things together.
My ex matt when I'd feel over emotional would give me a hug,let me cry,tell me he loved me.it worked even though I knew due to his mild autism he didn't fully understand.
I suppose that's what I need now,unfortunately I'm single.
Another example of this over sensitivity its crying over TV shows. I'm odd that I don't cry at romantic comedies,but strange things set me off.
This time Dr Who pushed my buttons .I'll admit I would normally feel compassion for a character in a tv show,even if its a cartoon.Disney walle aww.the tears only come when I'm pmdd.
In this -dr who set in the future the world had burnt.
England had captured the last in the species of a alien creature that could travel through space.thus saving humanity by humans piggy backing on him.
Anyway,turns out that this alien had given itself freely.they weren't aware and had been torture it for hundreds of years in the believe that's what they needed to do to ensure it didn't eat them or whatever.
They stop with the torture,the alien stops screaming and they end up travelling faster.happy ending
It's totally retarded that this made me cry,it's a creature that doesn't even exist! :s
I'm working on the emotions that come with pmdd,hopefully ill look back at this and I will have improved.
Thursday 20 September 2012
Nick the prick
Doesn't look like hes getting a that spine transplant anytime soon,instead of standing up to Cameron he issued this apology.
Sorry just isnt good enough. This video made me laugh though.
Wednesday 19 September 2012
Going to Korea
This time I wanted minimal fuss. I feel it's better for me this way. I didn't do well last time with the goodbyes,my friends said goodbye individually which was nice.
my friend from my counselling course sent a card to my parents house.
It helped with my fear of being lonely,and ability to do the job.I do think it's natural to have these fears I am going to live abroad for a year.im trying to be positive,i hope it works.
my friend from my counselling course sent a card to my parents house.
It helped with my fear of being lonely,and ability to do the job.I do think it's natural to have these fears I am going to live abroad for a year.im trying to be positive,i hope it works.
Tuesday 18 September 2012
Hot guys and my brain
Recently I started talking to this very hot guy online.
This guy used to be in the airforce and was stationed in Korea,so we started talking about that,which led on to what he's doing now,interests etc.
He's a investment banker and life coach,lives in washington dc,but is from Florida.hes also attends lots of fund raisers for various charities,writes his own songs and plays guitar.mmmm
( I verified this through a google search bad I know but you never know didn't want to be talking to a compulsive liar)
Well,by this point I was defiantly interested in chatting more,so we agreed to Skype.
Then . Holy shit not only is he interesting,he's hot,really hot,to the point where I regress to being a 16 year old with a crush!.this is where me and my brain are no longer friends.
My brain is saying " eep he's so cute,bet he's got a great body what would he look like naked and he's fascinating,"
My mouth trying not to say these things attempts to have a regular conversation.
I begin to smile a lot,like a special child and say things like "thats interesting" and open questions to limit my talk time. till I can beat my brain into submission.
All the time hoping he doesn't comment on my continuous smiling and general stupid behaviour.
he told me it was cute and he liked my accent ( I don't get that, but hey anything that distracts for my annoying ness is a plus)
So,we were talking actually while he was at work,we were talking for hours in between him doing bits of work of course.
Then it turns out everyone had gone home,then he admitted he had googled my name and found my model portfolio.
Feeling pretty embarrassed,as I have done Mostly glamour and nude modelling he told me I looked beautiful,I knew he was single as id just added him on Facebook.
We started flirting,he asked me to send him the pictures and go see him in DC.Things got pretty hot he told me he was getting excited ( yes! Sexually adventurous and confident too) I said we should have Skype sex in a few months if things progress.he was pretty happy with that lol.
This is ace.but I won't get the time till next year,plus it might be just a physical thing with the distance.Nothing will probably come of it.ill still visit just to nothin rather take chances then never find out.
Plus I want to see the white house,museums and galleries.so even if it goes wrong never mind.
Im writing this I suppose this is diary worthy as I'm surprised a guy can still have that effect on me. honestly hasn't happened in ages.
This guy used to be in the airforce and was stationed in Korea,so we started talking about that,which led on to what he's doing now,interests etc.
He's a investment banker and life coach,lives in washington dc,but is from Florida.hes also attends lots of fund raisers for various charities,writes his own songs and plays guitar.mmmm
( I verified this through a google search bad I know but you never know didn't want to be talking to a compulsive liar)
Well,by this point I was defiantly interested in chatting more,so we agreed to Skype.
Then . Holy shit not only is he interesting,he's hot,really hot,to the point where I regress to being a 16 year old with a crush!.this is where me and my brain are no longer friends.
My brain is saying " eep he's so cute,bet he's got a great body what would he look like naked and he's fascinating,"
My mouth trying not to say these things attempts to have a regular conversation.
I begin to smile a lot,like a special child and say things like "thats interesting" and open questions to limit my talk time. till I can beat my brain into submission.
All the time hoping he doesn't comment on my continuous smiling and general stupid behaviour.
he told me it was cute and he liked my accent ( I don't get that, but hey anything that distracts for my annoying ness is a plus)
So,we were talking actually while he was at work,we were talking for hours in between him doing bits of work of course.
Then it turns out everyone had gone home,then he admitted he had googled my name and found my model portfolio.
Feeling pretty embarrassed,as I have done Mostly glamour and nude modelling he told me I looked beautiful,I knew he was single as id just added him on Facebook.
We started flirting,he asked me to send him the pictures and go see him in DC.Things got pretty hot he told me he was getting excited ( yes! Sexually adventurous and confident too) I said we should have Skype sex in a few months if things progress.he was pretty happy with that lol.
This is ace.but I won't get the time till next year,plus it might be just a physical thing with the distance.Nothing will probably come of it.ill still visit just to nothin rather take chances then never find out.
Plus I want to see the white house,museums and galleries.so even if it goes wrong never mind.
Im writing this I suppose this is diary worthy as I'm surprised a guy can still have that effect on me. honestly hasn't happened in ages.
Tuesday 11 September 2012
September 11th
This Tragic event still feels unreal.
I was 16 it was my first day of college.That morning I was so nervous but I knew Paul was going to be there it made me feel better.
James then got a call,his friend shouting "someone's attacking America"
Me and Paul looked at each other as if to say "as if ".
We were then instructed to stay put, as James friend ran from his mums flat telling us to see for ourselves.
So there we were,me Paul and people we had just met a few hours earlier, stood in a strangers flat with the guys mum still in her dressing gown watching the first tower burning.
Then the second plane hit.shock I made a weird noise Paul said oh my god.
James -people are falling
Paul interrupted with simply 'jumping'.
I actually wanted to cry but the tears didn't come.I'll never forget seeing those poor people choosing to jump.
when the towers fell.we were in shock, just stood there for a few minuets, we didn't actually say anything to the mum, or each other and left.
We didnt talk much on the walk back to college.james came out with
"what happens now"
"war" Paul said it first.
Walking back to college was strange.I felt connected to these people,we had witnessed something terrible.of course up on our return there were no lessons we were told to go home.
I'll never forget that day.such a tragic loss.I do not agree with the conspiracy theories,there was a documentary on channel 5 about it today,I mean really channel 5, come on! this wasn't the government blowing up their own people.I hope one day those stupid theories stop,and let the families put it to rest as best they can.
The fact is that a large number of people lost their lives its wrong to glorify this by self serving fake stories
it also makes me think about the terror attacks in London,it was the summer holidays my first year of uni, I was working in a call centre in Manchester when the phones were shut down, we were told what happened.Again shock, but panic this time as I have family in london I began to ring round my relations frantically to see if they were ok. Luckily they were.
Once I got back to my exs mums where we were both living for the summer I saw on the news the buses and attacks on the tube. Just horrific.
I have been thinking about Paul a lot today. I never thought then that 11 years he wouldn't be around.I miss him.
I was 16 it was my first day of college.That morning I was so nervous but I knew Paul was going to be there it made me feel better.
That afternoon me,Paul and new people on the course who would become our friends Ben, James,Gary and Michelle were walking from college to the centre of Skipton via the canal.Added a picture as its quite scenic I think .
James then got a call,his friend shouting "someone's attacking America"
Me and Paul looked at each other as if to say "as if ".
We were then instructed to stay put, as James friend ran from his mums flat telling us to see for ourselves.
So there we were,me Paul and people we had just met a few hours earlier, stood in a strangers flat with the guys mum still in her dressing gown watching the first tower burning.
Then the second plane hit.shock I made a weird noise Paul said oh my god.
James -people are falling
Paul interrupted with simply 'jumping'.
I actually wanted to cry but the tears didn't come.I'll never forget seeing those poor people choosing to jump.
when the towers fell.we were in shock, just stood there for a few minuets, we didn't actually say anything to the mum, or each other and left.
We didnt talk much on the walk back to college.james came out with
"what happens now"
"war" Paul said it first.
Walking back to college was strange.I felt connected to these people,we had witnessed something terrible.of course up on our return there were no lessons we were told to go home.
I'll never forget that day.such a tragic loss.I do not agree with the conspiracy theories,there was a documentary on channel 5 about it today,I mean really channel 5, come on! this wasn't the government blowing up their own people.I hope one day those stupid theories stop,and let the families put it to rest as best they can.
The fact is that a large number of people lost their lives its wrong to glorify this by self serving fake stories
it also makes me think about the terror attacks in London,it was the summer holidays my first year of uni, I was working in a call centre in Manchester when the phones were shut down, we were told what happened.Again shock, but panic this time as I have family in london I began to ring round my relations frantically to see if they were ok. Luckily they were.
Once I got back to my exs mums where we were both living for the summer I saw on the news the buses and attacks on the tube. Just horrific.
I have been thinking about Paul a lot today. I never thought then that 11 years he wouldn't be around.I miss him.
Monday 10 September 2012
Olympics and Paralympics
Since I've been living at home for a few weeks before I go to Korea my depression seems to be lifting.the pressure of living with a stoner,paroniod housemate who attracted mice,plus having no job must have been getting to me more then I thought.
Anyway i watched all the Paralympics and finally felt positive emotions.:D
I'm proud of the representation of my country in these games,and particularly proud of our medals and the paralympics.I just wish I could have enjoyed them more.i should have realised I was depressed
I feel there has been a change in the way dissability is viewed.it was quite emotional watching the Athletes achieve great feats despite their difficulties.the physical and inner strength they have is inspiring.
It has been the most successful Paralympics to date.well done Britain :)
I particularly enjoyed the closing ceromony with cold play and the fantastic fireworks display.
Anyway i watched all the Paralympics and finally felt positive emotions.:D
I'm proud of the representation of my country in these games,and particularly proud of our medals and the paralympics.I just wish I could have enjoyed them more.i should have realised I was depressed
I feel there has been a change in the way dissability is viewed.it was quite emotional watching the Athletes achieve great feats despite their difficulties.the physical and inner strength they have is inspiring.
It has been the most successful Paralympics to date.well done Britain :)
I particularly enjoyed the closing ceromony with cold play and the fantastic fireworks display.
Sunday 2 September 2012
Why I've been feeling nothing-depression
I went to the doctors to talk about the PMDD,he suggested I take the anti depressant all month and not just the two weeks before as he feels I'm depressed.
It would explain the lack of feeling,especially around the Olympics the opening and closing ceremony showed everything I love about britian and why I am proud of this little island.
I should have also been very proud that gold medals were won by athletes from Yorkshire,where I was brought up.we actually won more medals as a county then Australlia..but I was numb nothing.
I'm trying not to take the tablet.I dont like the idea of Doxipin but at least it might kill my sex drive for a while.Being single and having a high sex drive is never good,especially as I only intend on sleeping with men who I am in a relationship with.
this realisation has come at a bad time as I am going to live in Korea soon.
I just hope the busyness of trying to carve a life for a year will help.
I have the tablets anyway,I'll find the name for them in Korean.
I'm determined to make this work.I've had depression before and eventually got through it,I can do it again.
I admit it will be hard what with the added complication of PMDD making things terrible during the week before,as long as I remind myself it's the hormones and the depression I should be ok.
It would explain the lack of feeling,especially around the Olympics the opening and closing ceremony showed everything I love about britian and why I am proud of this little island.
I should have also been very proud that gold medals were won by athletes from Yorkshire,where I was brought up.we actually won more medals as a county then Australlia..but I was numb nothing.
I'm trying not to take the tablet.I dont like the idea of Doxipin but at least it might kill my sex drive for a while.Being single and having a high sex drive is never good,especially as I only intend on sleeping with men who I am in a relationship with.
this realisation has come at a bad time as I am going to live in Korea soon.
I just hope the busyness of trying to carve a life for a year will help.
I have the tablets anyway,I'll find the name for them in Korean.
I'm determined to make this work.I've had depression before and eventually got through it,I can do it again.
I admit it will be hard what with the added complication of PMDD making things terrible during the week before,as long as I remind myself it's the hormones and the depression I should be ok.
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