There's a whole heap of shit that has gone down at work but I have another job so I'm hoping things get better.ill write about that another time.
Ill also write about North Korea and the possible invasion ( lol) but what I really want to talk about is something that happend yest.
The title of this rant/writing or whatever this is about is due to the fact I'm turning ginger.Basically I had a hair dye horror at Toni and Guy in Ulsan,that involved highlights that turned came out orange! I actually wrote a complaint letter to the head office at Toni and guy in London and got my money back but still,I'm left with minging hair.
Now,the having no soul part,well I have a married friend here in Korea,his wife being back in the states.we have been friends for a while.We had dinner last night I had a few drinks and after,when he drove me home he tried to kiss me!
For a second I allowed him to kiss me then I ran ( literally) away from the car into my apartment,he followed me I wouldn't open my door and talked to him over mobile.I told him to leave me alone,we should only be friends in groups or not at all.
I never thought I'd do anything like that,I am deeply ashamed.
We are going to meet up and talk about it tonight before meeting our mutual friends.Im hoping things can work out.
Monday, 1 April 2013
Sunday, 3 March 2013
It's been a while
I've been putting off writing because it makes this real
First I stayed in my job as the other job the apartment was a crack den,I'm not joking it didn't even have a bed,I cought up with the other teacher who ran away he said he was there 6 months it never changed.
My job got better but then I got sick.ihad the nitoviris - I managed to get Into work but was sent to hospital by my boss. 2 days off with a sick note
Then I got a bacterial infection.my boss had a meeting where she wants to get rid of me because I'm too sick.an ex Korean staff member told me I was pretty livid.
In 6 months I've had 7 days off through genuine doctor confirmed sickness.
I received a text from my co worker telling me to get into work my boss was going to come to my apartment n let me go basically fire me.
I'm really not sure on what to do here if I get another job that's 2 months which leaves 4 left before contract is up.
Apart from that life in korea is well korea.crazy but im still glad im not in the uk the economy is worse lost the credit rating and jobs are difficult to come by.
im missing my mum,dad friends from home and food god I want a pasty lol.its hard sometimes ESP when I hear my sister is making things hard for them again I just want to tell her to sort her life out.I feel powerless I know if I was at home there would be nothing I could do but still.
I met a guy from England he was interesting we dated both liked each other but he wouldn't sleep with me just wanted to hug with a hard on.thats ok I was understanding but after a while I felt rejected. he wouldn't tell me why just he wasn't ready.i asked if there was anything i could do he said he just wasnt sexual,so I decided to let him go.I won't lie it is slightly damaging to my self esteem as in what's wrong with me?.I can sympathise when you hear stories of men cheating through lack of intamacy.still not right, but being laid there all horny feeling mentally and physically attracted after quite a few great dates n the person says no without a explanation is just confusing and makes you question what is wrong with you.
I've been drinking less which is good,I now feel like I'm in control towards the end of the night n i wont be hungover.
I've met some new friends which is always good, I've been talking more to my friend matt remember who I met at the airport when I was coming here? He's off to New Zealand in 4 months wondering if I should go.i just feel so stressed here now and bit weird.maybe this is that 6 month block people talk about we shall see.
PMDD wise I get so horny before my period I've started watching porn once a day around this time. I sort of feel I wish I didn't makes me feel lonely maybe that's the weird pmdd depression over analysing there I'm not sure.
I've been monitoring the feelings n symptoms,basically the more emotional symptoms I get the depression insecurity the more my sex drive increases,the more physical symptoms I get eg the pain n vomiting the less Horny and depressed I feel.Dont get me wrong, i still feel depressed its just not as intense as in i dont start crying at the drop of a jat seems to be taken over by physical symptoms.
So it's mainly physical or emotional.
I've started wearing glasses most of the time now.had to get new ones n I don't like how they look on me.how vain huh.the glased here are done while you wait on the same day which is amasing.had my eye test then in 30 mins new glasses.
It's getting warmer in korea I'm looking forward to that I can't wait for the summer I like the heat and ill be able to go to the beach
I've started eating and enjoying more Korean food which is good.still can't eat kimchi or octopus.they eat octopus that is alive here too that upsets me.the tentacles stick to the cheeks and tonsils.
Oh totally random but I think my Korean friend who is male-English name jay has a hand fetish he tells me how much he loves my hands and strokes them.i don't mind. having fetishes of my own l,I understand so I let him look at them for a bit.if it gets bad like he tries to suck my fingers or something them ill do something.lol it's funny really makes me laugh.
Other things that have made me smilr on you tube n such the Harlem shake funny and so silly so much better then gangnam style which I'm happy to say is dying finally!
First I stayed in my job as the other job the apartment was a crack den,I'm not joking it didn't even have a bed,I cought up with the other teacher who ran away he said he was there 6 months it never changed.
My job got better but then I got sick.ihad the nitoviris - I managed to get Into work but was sent to hospital by my boss. 2 days off with a sick note
Then I got a bacterial infection.my boss had a meeting where she wants to get rid of me because I'm too sick.an ex Korean staff member told me I was pretty livid.
In 6 months I've had 7 days off through genuine doctor confirmed sickness.
I received a text from my co worker telling me to get into work my boss was going to come to my apartment n let me go basically fire me.
I'm really not sure on what to do here if I get another job that's 2 months which leaves 4 left before contract is up.
Apart from that life in korea is well korea.crazy but im still glad im not in the uk the economy is worse lost the credit rating and jobs are difficult to come by.
im missing my mum,dad friends from home and food god I want a pasty lol.its hard sometimes ESP when I hear my sister is making things hard for them again I just want to tell her to sort her life out.I feel powerless I know if I was at home there would be nothing I could do but still.
I met a guy from England he was interesting we dated both liked each other but he wouldn't sleep with me just wanted to hug with a hard on.thats ok I was understanding but after a while I felt rejected. he wouldn't tell me why just he wasn't ready.i asked if there was anything i could do he said he just wasnt sexual,so I decided to let him go.I won't lie it is slightly damaging to my self esteem as in what's wrong with me?.I can sympathise when you hear stories of men cheating through lack of intamacy.still not right, but being laid there all horny feeling mentally and physically attracted after quite a few great dates n the person says no without a explanation is just confusing and makes you question what is wrong with you.
I've been drinking less which is good,I now feel like I'm in control towards the end of the night n i wont be hungover.
I've met some new friends which is always good, I've been talking more to my friend matt remember who I met at the airport when I was coming here? He's off to New Zealand in 4 months wondering if I should go.i just feel so stressed here now and bit weird.maybe this is that 6 month block people talk about we shall see.
PMDD wise I get so horny before my period I've started watching porn once a day around this time. I sort of feel I wish I didn't makes me feel lonely maybe that's the weird pmdd depression over analysing there I'm not sure.
I've been monitoring the feelings n symptoms,basically the more emotional symptoms I get the depression insecurity the more my sex drive increases,the more physical symptoms I get eg the pain n vomiting the less Horny and depressed I feel.Dont get me wrong, i still feel depressed its just not as intense as in i dont start crying at the drop of a jat seems to be taken over by physical symptoms.
So it's mainly physical or emotional.
I've started wearing glasses most of the time now.had to get new ones n I don't like how they look on me.how vain huh.the glased here are done while you wait on the same day which is amasing.had my eye test then in 30 mins new glasses.
It's getting warmer in korea I'm looking forward to that I can't wait for the summer I like the heat and ill be able to go to the beach
I've started eating and enjoying more Korean food which is good.still can't eat kimchi or octopus.they eat octopus that is alive here too that upsets me.the tentacles stick to the cheeks and tonsils.
Oh totally random but I think my Korean friend who is male-English name jay has a hand fetish he tells me how much he loves my hands and strokes them.i don't mind. having fetishes of my own l,I understand so I let him look at them for a bit.if it gets bad like he tries to suck my fingers or something them ill do something.lol it's funny really makes me laugh.
Other things that have made me smilr on you tube n such the Harlem shake funny and so silly so much better then gangnam style which I'm happy to say is dying finally!
Tuesday, 1 January 2013
Fuck you 2012
I'm having a little bit of a cry as I write this. I'm glad this year is over.I can honestly say it's been one of the most challenging of my life.
The worst parts in no order
Not having a job/having one that was soul sucking
Having to cut my sister off due to her damaging influence
Seeing the effect my sisters behaviour had on my family.
My best friend moving to London
A housemate moving in that was such a control freak my friends didn't want to visit plus was so filthy he attracted mice into the house.
Having a panic attack due to stress,the doctor telling me I was too sick to work.
Having Pre cancer cells in my civix removed -again
Finding out I have PMDD
my auntie dying- horrific
My friend dying- total shock and horrific
My dog dying- bonnie a member of our family for 16 years she will be missed
Moving to korea ( the stress of culture shock and to be honest the fear of arriving,leaving my friends and family)
being used by guys
My ex matt cutting me off while I was in korea.
When paul died and it was his birthday in november.i contacted people who have been there for me at a time when i needed someone.I sent him a email basically saying that.I received one back saying he realises he still loves me and can no longer have me in his life, even as a friend.told me never to contact him again. ( a horrible thing for both of us. as I thought we were great friends,we have a bond that I thought was a true friendship.Now it's no longer there.I feel guilty because I hurt him even though it wasn't intentional.now I feel like he's died too.dramatic I suppose but as I can't talk to him our our mutual friends its a great loss to me as well as him)
Turning 28 and feeling like a looser as I don't have a relationship,house of my own etc
Missing my friends and family while living abroad and feeling lonely.
Overall a general feeling of depression lack of security and loss.
In the spirit of looking forwards.
Highlights
Passing my counselling course,knowing I now have what I need for a masters in counselling.
moving to korea-I needed to make money for my future that's exactly what I'm doing.
meeting a bunch of great people
Realising how lucky I am to have people in my life that are special.
Starting life coaching and knowing I am just a little closer to my goals.
New Year's Eve on the beach watching the first sunrise in korea whilst witnessing hundreds of Koreans running towards the freezing sea swimming to greet the rising sun.
Realising that I am a fighter,if I keep fighting then one day I might just win,if I don't I know I've given it my all,fuck anyone who looks down on me for that,or not having material possessions/ a conventional life.
I hope that 2013 brings something different,after all I will do everything in my power to ensure this happens
So fuck you 2012 you did your worst and I'm still standing.to quote gone with the wind ( a amazing film) "tomorrow is another day"
The worst parts in no order
Not having a job/having one that was soul sucking
Having to cut my sister off due to her damaging influence
Seeing the effect my sisters behaviour had on my family.
My best friend moving to London
A housemate moving in that was such a control freak my friends didn't want to visit plus was so filthy he attracted mice into the house.
Having a panic attack due to stress,the doctor telling me I was too sick to work.
Having Pre cancer cells in my civix removed -again
Finding out I have PMDD
my auntie dying- horrific
My friend dying- total shock and horrific
My dog dying- bonnie a member of our family for 16 years she will be missed
Moving to korea ( the stress of culture shock and to be honest the fear of arriving,leaving my friends and family)
being used by guys
My ex matt cutting me off while I was in korea.
When paul died and it was his birthday in november.i contacted people who have been there for me at a time when i needed someone.I sent him a email basically saying that.I received one back saying he realises he still loves me and can no longer have me in his life, even as a friend.told me never to contact him again. ( a horrible thing for both of us. as I thought we were great friends,we have a bond that I thought was a true friendship.Now it's no longer there.I feel guilty because I hurt him even though it wasn't intentional.now I feel like he's died too.dramatic I suppose but as I can't talk to him our our mutual friends its a great loss to me as well as him)
Turning 28 and feeling like a looser as I don't have a relationship,house of my own etc
Missing my friends and family while living abroad and feeling lonely.
Overall a general feeling of depression lack of security and loss.
In the spirit of looking forwards.
Highlights
Passing my counselling course,knowing I now have what I need for a masters in counselling.
moving to korea-I needed to make money for my future that's exactly what I'm doing.
meeting a bunch of great people
Realising how lucky I am to have people in my life that are special.
Starting life coaching and knowing I am just a little closer to my goals.
New Year's Eve on the beach watching the first sunrise in korea whilst witnessing hundreds of Koreans running towards the freezing sea swimming to greet the rising sun.
Realising that I am a fighter,if I keep fighting then one day I might just win,if I don't I know I've given it my all,fuck anyone who looks down on me for that,or not having material possessions/ a conventional life.
I hope that 2013 brings something different,after all I will do everything in my power to ensure this happens
So fuck you 2012 you did your worst and I'm still standing.to quote gone with the wind ( a amazing film) "tomorrow is another day"
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