The Chris box

I've had feelings for my friend Chris since uni,we have always been and are just friends.

I met up with him today for first time in a few months and I still get that little tingle when we are hanging out etc.
he's one of the most optimistic,funny,quirky people I know,he always knows just how to make me smile.

He is also the first friend I had real feelings for.I never told him I knew he didnt feel the same.I just put the feelings away so I can continue being his friend. I labelled the unrequited feelings box after him

The chris box holds two people soon to be a third.number 3 is in good company,funny,different,intelligent men.if these guys knew each other they would get along great.

Number 2 -JP, I worked with him at HSBC. Like Chris this guy makes me laugh.he's a person everyone likes to be around,for good reason.
he's kind,creative,down to earth,intelligent did i mention extremely funny? JP brightened up my day.even thinking about him now makes me smile.he worked in advertising before working at the bank.one of the ads he made was "bellies gonna get ya" i think of this,his many tattoos ,and his laugh.a unique man who's just a pleasure to be around.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gxzdo8FfrW0&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I never told him of my feelings ,he has a girlfriend who he's madly in love with and they have just had a baby,I'm happy for them and I'm sure his son will be every bit as ace as his dad.

Number 3 a tough one.like Chris and JP we are friends,these feelings crept up on me then hit me like a ton of bricks.
we clicked straight away,but I never had him down as a love interest,couple years on im now putting him in the box.
He's such a geek,very talented and passionate about his job.it's this geek and passion I find so attractive I love to hear him talk about his day,the new projects he's working on.
He's also got the same sense of humour- it's a sarcastic dry and twisted and we bounce off each-other well.
I won't tell him i have feelings for him I'm sure he doesn't feel the same,I don't want to ruin a great friendship.
Friends you actually get you are hard to find. I can socialise with anyone,there are very few where i feel there is a deeper connection.
when I meet someone I click with on this level I do all I can to keep the friendship.

So few things I've learnt from this,well I don't have a set look physically I go for.
Chris is classically handsome,tall,toned,and good looking.

JP isnt conventionally attractive, he's shorter then average,has a little bit of fat,lots of tattoos, but his eyes are so blue and his smile makes me want to smile.He is unique in everyway

Number 3 - I won't name him,silly I know but I'm scared he will somehow find this!?! Smaller then average,skinny,a typical geeky guy.so adorable.

I do however love a man who has a similar sense of humour, is creative , kind,confident,sociable,his his own views,has that spark of something different,mutual understanding and loves to talk.
Looking at that list it's no wonder I'm single lol

Spiders= no sleep

I hate spiders. I think it stems from when I was little.It was the summer,I was about to go out with my friends play rounders.I had got ice pop all down my tshirt,mum wouldnt have been happy,in a attempt to defer mums wrath,I went to change ( loved those ice pops,those luminous colours must have had all sorts in them if they can stain t shirts what were they doing to our insides?) im going to include a picture of those.I sure as hell ain't looking for a picture of a freaky spider.

Anyway,in the rush of excitement I grabbed the first shirt I found...Then I felt it..a slight tickle then running down my back,instant fear and panic- spider!!

freaking out,I ran to my sister and friends.they were scared of spiders too and it took 3 of them to get the spider off me.

Since then there have been other spider encounters,walking into webs ive done a few times,yes embarrassing.
the most embarrassing was at my exs house one Christmas. meeting the entire family for the first time.we were playing some crappy board game,my mind started drifting,spotted a spider on it's path towards me, it was edging closer and closer-then... shit! it was next to my foot- I made a weird squeak noise (apparently thats the noise I make when im scared ?!) and squished the bugger so hard into the floor that when I removed my foot, all that remained was a black dot .Everyone stopped the game and looked at me,I just tried to laugh it off.

So years later , this irrational fear is still there I can't sleep.
I spotted 3 spiders in my room and one in the bathroom. I sucked the ones in my room up with the vacuum,the other I trapped under a glass.
I just hope I can get to sleep and I don't dream they are on me,or I have a sleep walking episode and kick the glass over.
I'll prob wake up from a spider dream,be half a sleep convinced there are more in my room.

tonight I'm keeping the light on haha