Getting over the Ex

This is what I did to get over my ex.I believe you are going through genuine feelings of grief and loss when a important relationship ends.you have lost your best friend,lover and a future you had planned together.

I don't think people understand that it's a process to recover,I got people saying just put on a happy face,things will come right,date other guys,don't get upset just power through.they all meant well but this I knew wouldnt work for me.

Stage 1 denial- this is natural,the love of your life has just told you it's over.shock kicks in.thoughts of "it can't be, they will realise what a mistake they have made and come back".you may even make excuses for the poor behaviour - I did this,I even blamed myself for his cheating!

Stage 2- it's over! the kitchen floor reset. ( see Russell Kay in a earlier post for this) basically it's where you hit rock bottom,all the emotion comes out,you end up in your flat,at ur mums in a sobbing mess the type of crying where you manage one word a minuet.
at this stage you need to grieve your loss. have friends around you for support.i listened to the cure pictures of you and let it out.

Stage 3 anger- this is good,healthy use it to do the most important and hardest thing cutting them off.delete them from fb, twitter ( lets be honest if they use twitter they are a tit anyway, oh you've been for a piss..how fascinating pale or dark yellow..please).
delete their number,get rid of photos etc. This stops social network stalking( yes you would,we have all done it) and drunk dialling, crying over pics when pissed,which puts you back a stage ( I know myself well enough that getting rid of number and pics was done in stage 2).you are now living in the present.it's time to focus on what makes you happy.looking at their profiles and pics will pre long the pain.don't believe me? Think you can be friends? Imagine the hurt when you see changed status, seeing them all loved up? or pics of someone you think is their new bit of stuff save yourself the pain.delete and block. Music I listened to Ludo love me dead

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and fink- all cried out

This was so hard for me to cut off.I attach emotions and memories to objects.I still have birthday cards from my 21st and toys from when I was little mum wants to throw away but I keep them.so you can imagine how hard it is getting rid of things that were once so dear to me.it almost put me back to kitchen floor territory,I had to keep hold of that anger to do it.

Facebook took me a hour to get rid of him,for me that was the ultimate it's over.I even deleted my account for a month to avoid all the questions,just contacted a few close friends who I could trust to support me as to what was going on.

Stage 4- depression.I had lots of emotions in this stage.I felt over whelmed,sadness,anxiety,fear that I wouldn't find anyone new etc. I avoid drinking it made me feel 10 times worse,talk to friends family or even short term therapy,try to keep busy or find a new hobby.

Stage 5- you might want to tell people what you've been through this is good and therapeutic.for me I did this but I struggled to figure out why this happened, why someone I loved and put so much effort into making it work could suddenly be so cold.
Your ex may try to make contact,its been a while,they might not like being cut off,the attention you gave them is no longer there they might want it back,They might try to do the friends thing or you might be tempted to make contact for answers.don't keep busy,even if it's the thought that they are now the ones waiting on your news that stops you good.your building your new life,without them.
Don't be tempted to have a relationship too soon,rebounds never work,you are likely to compare them to your ex alot this isn't fair on you or them.

Stage 6- acceptance that its over,your new life and increased self esteem.this is a nice stage.I realised I was over him when I had genuine feelings for another man,thoughts of him with another woman no longer bothered me.if I saw him in the street wouldn't look twice.
I had new goals in place and a new life.

Ito properly get to acceptance it took me a year.I did slip back a stage early on,what I did was write down everything that annoyed me about him,bad points about the relationship.they are not the one,not a perfect person,the reality is especially if they have cheated or physically hurt you,you are a million times better then them.

I don't know who will read this, but it's done me good writing out my process,if someone stumbles across it and it helps them great.