face hugger

I feel the need to write about this night terror I had.
 it happened around 4am. I was having a nightmare about the face hugger from alien, I woke up and saw it on my bed next to me! I freaked out, frozen in fear,I couldn't even scream.

I managed to move after a few minuets,rolled myself on to the floor and  woke myself up properly. I felt relief, then suddenly very alone.I put the laptop on and watched some adult swim. I dont know what happend but I started to cry...crying and watching cartoons how sad.

I just wanted another person there who understood. I remember when this used to happen in relationships. Id try not to wake them, sometimes if it was really bad, such as this with the face huger episode, id roll over and hug my boyfriend.they used to moan though as I get so warm it would wake them up.

anyway, so yeah,back to the tears watching cartoons. miles away from my friends and parents, the recent date disaster, the fact Ive been single over 2 years,  thoughts such as will I ever find someone who can put up with these weird night terrors or understands? coupled with the PMDD is it really too much to ask of someone? on a PMDD day it would be mood swings,lots of sex and then potentially being woken up at night by me dreaming then seeing something fucked up. Why have that when you can have a normal girlfriend with a regular sex drive, their worst sleep issue would be drool?.

 I used to feel so bad  just laid there with my partner next me waiting for my mind to let me sleep. worried that my body heat might wake them and partly feeling guilty that I didn't like how I couldn't hug them.
id sometimes wish I was actually alone, or that my partner understood so it would be ok to go downstairs and  watch tv or get a comforting hug without feeling guilt. In saying all that  id prefer that odd mix of emotions then have that nothingness.

I got to sleep at 6 am. I was up again at 9. I didnt have the best quality of sleep and my eyes felt puffy from the tears.

I think this highlights that I feel stressed, the night terrors seem to come about when theres some unrest somewhere in my life, even if its just sleeping somewhere new,that seems to trigger it too.
also highlights that i'm feeling lonely, left behind. Another one of my friends got married,my friend Sarah is buying a house with her boyfriend its all strange.

yet I know that I have time, I don't want to rush anything,rationally theres a world of opportunity I cant help but feel this way.

I had to get a teddy picture of the face hugger,looking at the real one was just too freaky. why the fuck would you buy this as a cuddly toy?