if I could go back ten years..

I've recently been contacted by my little cousin on facebook.Due to family problems ( her dad uncle Simon is a alcoholic which led to her mum segregating her from the family,which is understandable) we werent in contact while we were growing up.
She is just 16. Shes having troubles at the moment due to being bullied at school and going through the regular teenage insecurities. I tried to help her feel a little better by boosting her self esteem,and letting her know that she has many years of fun and adventure ahead.I'm not sure it had any effect but she seemed more positive after our conversation.

Later that night I thought if I could go back in time what would I tell the insecure,depressed 16 year old me.

I think Id start by saying you have as much right to be happy as everyonelse.trust your instincts,dont feel pressure to stick things out,when its not right you will know. ( I refer to relationships here,and my choice to continue with my degree. I knew deep down there was no future in them but I continued on in hope)

Its fine to experiment,but if your doing it to fill a hole,out of boredum and you feel your liking it too much Stop.I am talking here about my drinking and canabis smoking.

I grew up in a small run down town with little to do. The pubs served us underage and we took advantage. I was 16 when I first got hammered. I'll admit it was mostly out of being bored,it was the normal thing to do,and as a shy girl that had been bullied all though secondary school I just wanted to fit in.Instantly it filled a hole,numbed what I now know was depression.I then started smoking weed 6 months later.The first time I got high was at my auntie marys house in london. They are hippies,my auntie had just become t-total but my uncle smoked and still smokes weed, He gave some to me and my boyfriend a joint.I just thought wow, this I like, again it numbed me, After that me and my boyfriend got stoned on a regular basis.

two years later I began to think I could have a problem with drinking and weed. I would go out friday and saturday, get pissed before I hit the pub and get in such states I would often have little memory of what happened in the club. if it wasnt for my boyfriend and going out in a group something very bad could have happened.Even though everyone around me was the same,I just felt there was something wrong.
I think the eye opener was when I woke up on a sunday stinking of smoke ( back in those days you could smoke in clubs) still dressed, minus a shoe,staggerd to the bathroom threw up for what felt like a hour..
I needed the usual hangover cure which was a fry up, pint of orange,crackers and a joint for later. I checked my account I had no money left! shit

I must point out around this time I was pretty damaged, I was severely depressed. I hated everything about myself, to the point where I found it hard to even look in a mirror. I used to self harm.I had actually been self harming for a few years, keeping it quiet and putting on a front going to college, work even in front of my boyfriend etc.

I talked to my auntie about the booze and weed. I broke down,she just said answer honestly, could you go a month without drinking or smoking? I said no. She told me how addiction is like a disease,how some people given the right circumstances and genetics are more likely to have problems. She then told me of all the family members who have had addictions to various things, drugs,alcohol,shopping,sex,love!.
I knew I had to change, I stopped smoking and went 6 months without getting drunk. This gave me a deeper understanding of addiction.

I'd say I wasn't a addict, but a problem drinker and smoker.

I now only drink every now and again and I only smoke weed a few times a year if it's offered.

I'll give my cousin the same advice that was given to me,if she asks of course.